Neon Maniacs

Neon Maniacs

1986

Director- Joseph Mangine

Cast- Donna Locke, Leilani Sarelle, Clyde Hayes, Victor Brandt

           

    No matter what you think this movie is going to be, it’s something else. You can call it horror but any attempt to classify it more specifically than that is doomed to fail. A nest of monsters resides in San Francisco, hiding in the Golden Gate Bridge. They emerge from their hideout and murder a group pf teens. One of the youngsters, Natalie (Leilani Sarelle) survives the encounter and the monsters make her their #1 target from then on. She tells her story to the police who, predictably, don’t believe her. Word gets around school and everyone thinks she is either crazy or a liar.

One kid believes her though. Paula (played by the absolutely adorable Donna Locke who steals the movie) is a nerdy kid obsessed with horror and sci-fi (she wears a Nostromo hat from Alien for crying out loud). Paula investigates and sees the monsters herself, which now makes her runner-up on the monster’s hit list. Paula joins forces with Natalie and her recently acquired boyfriend (Clyde Hayes).

Paula has discovered that the monsters have a weakness-water! So on Halloween night, they go to the school dance armed with water guns. The only problem is that the monsters have come armed with axes, swords, spears and an assault rifle! After a massacre at the dance the cops are a little more open minded about the kid’s story and they go to the Bridge to fight the monsters. But the monsters have disappeared , fled to re-emerge another day.

There are 2 stars of this film. The first are the monsters themselves. The sheer number and variety is one thing, but the creativity is something else. A mutant looking Indian, some kind of albino caveman, a dinosaur headed cyclops, a demonic samurai, a crazed surgeon, a crossbow wielding goblin and more! The only movie I can think of that tops this is Nightbreed. A cosplayer could spend the next decade just trying to re-create the Maniacs.

The other star is Donna Locke. As stated before, she steals the show. The teenage nerd boy that still lives inside my crusty, cynical heart would have totally fallen in love with her back in the day.  There is no doubt in my mind that she was partly the inspiration for the Frog brothers in Lost Boys. She is obsessed with the supernatural, kills monsters with a water gun, even disposes of one in her shower! It is a crying shame that she never appeared in any other films, and for the life of me I don’t know why. But that’s the way of B movies. They are often made memorable by outstanding performances by people you’ve never heard of or heard from again. At least we got to see her in this!