Nothing But Trouble

 

  

Nothing But Trouble

Directed by- Dan Akroyd

Starring- Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, Valri Bromfield, Taylor Negron, Bertila Damas, Brian-Doyle Murray, Daniel Baldwin

1991

            What if Texas Chainsaw Massacre had been made by the cast of Saturday Night Live? That is probably the best way to sum up this bizarre movie.

            Chevy Chase is a New York financial publisher who agrees to give his neighbor (Demi Moore) a ride to a meeting in Atlantic City. They are joined by two very annoying Brazilian siblings ( Taylor Negron and Bertila Damas). This should be a pretty straight forward trip down the interstate until they (foolishly) decide to take a scenic detour through rural country. Anyone who has ever seen a horror movie will tell you what a bad idea that is.

            They take a trip through the run down mining town of Valkenvania where they run afoul of the law. They fail to stop at a sign and then make the more egregious error of  trying to run from the police (John Candy in a souped up patrol car complete with remote control detours).

            Once caught, they are escorted through a bizarre junkyard maze to the “courthouse”, which looks like a run-down 19^th century mansion. What they are expecting will be a quick slap on the hand with a  hefty fine, turns into being held overnight against their will, mainly because the Judge hates bankers. Chevy Chase is not a banker, but that really doesn’t matter to the judge who sees anyone involved with money as a banker.

 

 

            Judge Alvin "J.P" Valkenheiser (Akroyd), whose nose looks curiously like a penis, is a cranky, one might say insane, hundred year old codger who looks like a corpse that’s about two days into its bloating. The Judge also tends to issue very steep penalties for almost every transgression (in other words, the death penalty). Execution, however, is not achieved through firing squad, lethal injection, or other conventional means. Rather, prisoners are fed to the ‘Bonestripper”, a Rube Goldberg type roller coaster that does literally what its name says.

 

 

            We learn that the Judge hates bankers because of a generations old financial deal that ruined the town and also contributed to the town’s ongoing ecological disaster, a giant underground fire. We also find out that the Judge is willing to commute his usual sentence of death if Chevy Chase  is willing to marry the Judge’s granddaughter, Eldora (played by John Candy in drag). Rounding out the cast is Miss Purdah, the Judge’s violent deputy who really loves automatic weapons, and the twin brothers Bobo and Lil’ Debull (Bobo played by Akroyd) who look a bit like obese goblins.When Chevy decides he won’t marry Eldora, they try to run for it, only to find out that the courthouse is a maze filled with hidden passages, death traps, and rotting corpses.

            If this movie sounds bizarre, it is. Objectively speaking, it’s not a “good” movie. It never decides whether its horror or comedy and doesn’t really succeed at being funny or scary. But it is unique. Hollywood tends to be cookie cutter. Find something that makes money and run it into the ground until people are sick of it. Well, you can’t say that about Nothing But Trouble.

            The film feels like the mad dream of independent film makers who haven’t yet learned the dos and don’ts of film making. Dan Akroyd was probably not the best director for the film. Akroyd is a comic genius when it comes to acting or writing, but directing is a whole separate skill set. If the concept could have been turned over to someone else, say Tim Burton, we might have had an instant bizarre classic. Akroyd himself only wanted to act in the film, but agreed to direct when they couldn’t find anyone else to take the job.

            The film’s faults aside, I think it’s saved by its cast. Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd and John Candy are all comedy legends, and even on a bad day they are still entertaining. Demi Moore was right in the middle of her skyrocket to fame, Nothing But Trouble being wedged right in between Ghost and A Few Good Men. Demi is drop dead sexy in the film in a white outfit that just barely keeps everything squeezed into place. But her hotness aside, Moore was no stranger to comedy. Most of her early films were comedies, including the hilarious Savage Steve Holland movie, One Crazy Summer (horror fans should also check her out in the deadly serious end of the world film, Seventh Sign).

The basic premise of the film started with an actual experience Akroyd had when he was pulled over in upstate New York and escorted to a courthouse for a trial before being released. The twin goblin brothers (one of which is played by Akroyd) are based on characters from one of his dreams. The idea of making a horror film came about after Akroyd and his brother went to a screening of Hellraiser (boy were they out of their depth),

            If you are looking for a clever comedy or a scary horror film, Nothing But Trouble will not deliver. But if you want something completely off the wall that isn’t afraid to be strange, then see if you can find a copy of Nothing But Trouble.

Fun fact #1- The town of Valkenvania is based on real life Centralia, Pennsylvania, a near ghost town that has had a coal fire burning underneath the town for 60 years!

Fun fact #2- Hip hop fans will enjoy the musical number (yes the film has a musical number) by 90s hip hop group Digital Underground. Look for a very young (and clean cut) Tupac Shakur making his big screen debut.

   

 

Planet of the Vampires

 

 

Planet of the Vampires

1965

Director- Mario Bava

Cast- Barry Sullivan, Norma Bengell, Ángel Aranda, Evi Marandi, Franco Andrei, Federico Boido,

From Italy

            A pair of spaceships, the Galliott and the Argos, have traveled from Earth to investigate a signal coming from a planet that defies exploration via traditional long range methods. Upon nearing the planet, both ships are pulled down with such astounding G force that both crews black out.

            After landing, the crew of the Argos begins to regain consciousness and they all seem to have gone insane, fighting and trying to kill each other. Only the Captain, Mark, (Barry Sullivan) seems to have retained his sanity. He subdues the crew members one at a time and they come to their senses with no clue as to the origin of their recent murderous behavior.

            After gathering themselves, Mark and the members of his crew set out to explore the strange world on which they’ve landed. The landscape is alien and foreboding; strange rocks, fog, a dim glowing horizon. Eventually they find the crew of the Galliott. They’re all dead, apparently having murdered each other in a fit of madness.

            After burying their dead, the crew of the Argos come upon the wreckage of an ancient spaceship and the skeletons of its previous crew; humanoids three times the size of a human. Before they can solve this mystery they are confronted with an even bigger one: the crew of the Galliott are rising from the grave!

            They discover that they are on a planet of vampires, though these vampires exist as energy beings. Their planet is dying and they have lured the Earthlings in order to secure a way off of their world. They drove the crews to murder so that they could inhabit the lifeless husks. Their goal is to steal the spaceships and find a new world with lots of bodies that they can take over. Of course, Mark and the crew of the Argos must do everything in their power to stop them.

            On its surface, the film appears very different from Mario Bava’s better known gothic works like Black Sunday or Black Sabbath. However, the aesthetic differences aside, this is very much a macabre movie and Bava’s influence can be felt.

            The film is often cited as having been very influential on better known films like Ridley Scott’s Alien. I don’t think there is anything plot wise that the two films share, but the scene with the giant alien corpse in the derelict from Alien was definitely taken from the same scene in Planet of the Vampires. Supposedly, the movie was also very influential to the upcoming Aquaman sequel, but that is still at least 10 months away, so we’ll have to wait and see.

Even if the film had nothing else to offer, being an influence on Alien should make it mandatory viewing for any true science fiction fan. The film does have something else, however, that makes it worth watching and that is a truly unique aesthetic. Rather than going for realism ( after all astronauts had already gone into space by 1965) the movie opts for style. But it eschews the orderly military look of Forbidden Planet or the brightly colored attire of Lost in Space (which came out at the same time as Planet of the Vampires). The crew here is decked out in head to toe leather. They look more like members of the MFP in Mad Max than space explorers. It’s a truly unique look designed for visual effect rather than believability.

As for visual effects, well the movie has a low budget and it shows. In this case though, I think that the low budget helps rather than hurts. With an extravagant budget, Bava might have been tempted to go down the rabbit hole of FX like so many other directors. I imagine, if you are a creative person, it must be tempting to see what you can do with vast resources at your disposal. In Planet of the Vampires, however, Bava has to get by on production values that seem to be just below an episode of Star Trek. I think this forced Bava to focus more on mood and it shows in the eerie alien landscape. It should also be pointed out that even low budget movies, in those days, still had to build actual sets. Today the whole thing would be green screened and could be shot in someone’s bathroom.

If you want a scare or a clever script with lots of twists and turns, this is not the film for you. However, if you are a fan of classic sci-fi, Italian cinema, or Italian horror, then you should view the film at least once to see a great example of genre film making from that period. Beyond that, I recommend the film to anyone who wants to see a really creative, slightly bizarre, take on an old theme.